CLEAN to the BONE Read online

  “You never fail to surprise me, darl.”

  The quiet way he said it, and the soft look in those eyes, scared her more than Bri ever could.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “It’s gorgeous. Where the hell are we?”

  The show had gone wonderfully, not as many sales as New Orleans, but almost. And Bledsoe had hinted his review would be glowing. Charlie had left LA in a dazzled whirl of happiness.

  Now this. She and Jake were who-knew-where, standing on a gentle rise, the late summer air tickling her nose.

  He grinned. “Guess.”

  Charlie looked around again. Jake had hijacked a plane. Well, not really, but apparently, one of his skills was flying, and Lucjan had a jet. Meaning Jake had been able to keep her in the dark about where they were headed. Somewhat, anyway. She did know they were back in the Midwest; she’d seen at least one of the Great Lakes before they landed.

  The afternoon sun was bright on the water as far as the eye could see, and as they walked, a rocky, pebbled beach crunched under her feet. Her nose twitched. She couldn’t place the scent.

  It was familiar, though. Vaguely, like a half-remembered—

  “Oh. My. God.” Her heart stopped as a familiar bridge came into view. “Are we in Michigan?”

  “Yup. Mackinac Island.” He laughed at the wondering expression on her face. Then sobered as her eyes instantly welled up. “Charlie?”

  “I’m sorry,” she breathed, as the world swirled around her. Em’s laugher. Grandpa’s deep voice, along with Grandma’s higher pitched one, scolding the seagulls, but feeding them just the same. “It’s just . . .” She swayed. “Goddam you, Jake Harris.”

  “I think the words you are looking for are ‘thank you.’” Jake’s tone was light, but he looked concerned as he pulled her into his arms.

  “Yes, thank you.” The tears wouldn’t stop coming, no matter how hard she tried. She looked down the beach, her chest tight as she watched a pair of young girls race toward the water, hand in hand. Their hair was dark, but in her mind she saw Em’s Rumpelstiltskin hair and she gasped.

  Frowning now, Jake tugged her down onto a nearby bench and knelt on the boardwalk in front of her.

  “Did I do something wrong?” He cupped her cheek, swiping at her tears with the pad of his thumb. “Is this bad? We can go. I just thought—”

  “No.” She shook her head, pressing her fingers to his lips. She knew what he had thought. She’d been happy here once, and Jake wanted her to be happy. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. Even if it hurt. “No. We’re not going anywhere.”

  She’d never told him her grandfather had died here, but thankfully, she didn’t remember much about that awful day. Mostly, she remembered the peace and happiness of the golden days before. She and Emily had relived the good parts of that trip over and over. So many sleepless nights when their mother and her friends were partying, her sister’s voice would drown out all the bad sounds until all Charlie could hear was the slap of the waves, the murmur of happier times. Then finally she’d be able to sleep.

  Jake didn’t need to know how bittersweet his gift was. Maybe later, but not yet. She smiled and brushed away the tears. “It’s amazing.”

  He frowned at her, but Jake was pretty good about knowing when not to push. About some things anyway. A smile curved her lips and he relaxed slightly. “A kiss would be a proper thank-you.”

  So she kissed him. Hard and long, before dragging her lips to his ear. “There is your proper thank-you. Your improper one comes later tonight.”

  Jake groaned as she pulled away with a wicked smile. “Christ, don’t look at me like that in public. We’ll both get arrested.”

  She got to her feet, tugging at his arm impatiently, feeling a lighthearted excitement that was as unfamiliar as it was intriguing. Joy. She’d found it once in this place; maybe she could find it again.

  “Let’s go down to the water. I want to see it up close.”

  “Whatever you want, darl. Whatever you want.”

  * * *

  Stacia stared at Matthias, folding her arms. “What do you mean, I’m not allowed to go out?”

  He smiled weakly but continued to block her doorway. “Boss’s orders. He says you’re still too sick.”

  With a sigh, she nodded and shut the door in his face. It wasn’t worth the effort. Nothing but a bullet would move Matthias and possibly not even that. Besides, she really wasn’t feeling up to snuff just yet. Give it another day or two, though, and not even Lucjan would be able to cage her in.

  Stacia sighed again and wandered back into her bedroom, tapping her fingers against her thigh as she eyed the chair he’d been in when she’d woken yesterday morning. It had been years since Lucjan had freed her from the cage of her nightmares, but she still dreamed. Just not of the horrors. Of him.

  Only him.

  Every goddamn night.

  So she’d grown accustomed to seeing Lucjan when she woke, in that foggy realm between sleep and waking—if not accustomed to the pain. But she was also used to his image disappearing almost immediately. When he hadn’t, she found it hard to breathe, to think. To be strong.

  Now Stacia forced herself to sit, her jaw tightening painfully as she looked around the small room. She was beginning to hate the sight of these walls. Too-bare walls. There was nothing of her own personality here. No heart, no soul. The random thought irritated her. Why should there be? This place was just a temporary convenience, a pit stop when she and Jake had to be in the States for any length of time. It wasn’t a home.

  She’d only really had two of those, one she had been almost too young to remember and one she tried every day to forget. Lucjan didn’t live in the house he’d bought for her anymore. But he hadn’t sold it. Anata had told her that much. These days he stayed in his apartment in the city. Closer to his work.

  Her teeth ground together and with practiced effort, she yanked her thoughts away from the past, focusing instead on the future. Jake hadn’t said the words yet, but she knew he wanted out.

  And she knew why.

  Her brother was falling in love. She recognized the signs. She’d been there herself not so long ago. Which is how she knew Charlie wasn’t there yet. But soon.

  After all, her brother was a persuasive guy.

  Her smile faded almost before it could form. She could only hope it worked out better for them than it had for her.

  Her lips tightened as she glanced at the thin, red hardback on the nightstand, the single mocking rose on the cover, last touched by her husband’s fingers. Stacia swallowed and finally snatched the book up and threw it at the bed, cursing and jumping to her feet.

  She could pretend to let Darnell go—maybe she could even fool Jake into believing it if she had to—but revenge was all she had left. She had made a promise to Mum all those years ago. Like a prayer to that deep unconditional love, the memory of which had kept her sane during everything that came after. Oh, she’d always had Jake, and god knew where she’d be without the bond they shared. But it wasn’t the same as a mother’s love. She was only twenty minutes older than her brother and she’d always tried to take care of him, even though even she had to admit their roles had been reversed more than once.

  She closed her eyes, leaning against the wall, her arms tight over her chest. In the orphanage he’d taken the lead when all she’d wanted to do was hide under the covers and lose herself in memories. Jake had protected her from enemies present and past. To this day, he’d never told her the details of what he’d seen from the kitchen window. Not all of them. But she knew enough to know that if it had been her on the counter, she’d never have survived it.

  Because of that, she’d always strived to take as much of the weight off her brother as she could. That’s how she’d ended up marrying Lucjan. Searching for the revenge they’d sworn to have one day.

  Now she might have to go it alone.

  Stacia leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling above her. She
wasn’t mad at her brother. Jake had made his choice and she couldn’t blame him for it, but nothing would ever make her stop. Letting that monster slip back into the shadows was not an option.

  Her eyes flicked to the book on the bed and her throat worked before she looked away again.

  Unlike Jake, she had nothing left to lose.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  After a day of sunshine, shopping and ferry rides over the water, it was a relief to get back to their room. The sun was just going down, summer days still quite long this far north. Charlie fell on top of the bed, vowing not to move ever again. When Jake said he was going to take a shower, she mumbled something incoherent in response and rolled over. His laughter was warm and Charlie hugged it to herself as she slipped down into the dark.

  Such a beautiful couple of days. Bright and glittering, just like she had remembered, just like she had painted. All that light on the water. Joy.

  He had been right. How long had it been since she’d experienced something so real? All because of Jake. She’d had momentary flashes of the old fear this past week, but less and less every day.

  Charlie knew that was dangerous, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Either she was becoming very brave, or very stupid.

  But she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

  * * *

  A while later, the shower cutting off roused her. Her eyes fluttered before dropping shut again, seeking that blessed peace. So safe, so sweet. It’d been years since she’d felt so content. She wanted to wallow in it.

  “Come on, love. Don’t you want dinner?” Jake was stroking her hair, his voice gentle but insistent.

  She curled into his touch. Mmmm, she was hungry. Though maybe not the way he meant. Time enough for that later, though. Her lips curved even before her eyes opened.

  Yawning, she sat up at last. “I need to shower first. It was hot out there today.” Rubbing her face with both hands, trying to wake up, Charlie stumbled to the bathroom to Jake’s smothered laughter. Standing in the doorway, she turned around, opening her mouth to say something smart. And saw him.

  Really saw him.

  There was no taking for granted the magnificence that was Jake, but standing there, buttoning his shirt, the deep gold of his skin made deeper by the shadows, his dark hair mussed as he watched her, it hit her harder than ever. This magnificent man wanted her, craved her. That wasn’t the kind of thing you wasted. For once in her life, Charlie felt not only bold, but free.

  Completely free.

  She straightened, suddenly not sleepy in the least. “Come here,” she demanded.

  Jake raised an eyebrow before complying with a smirk. Though he didn’t so much walk, as stalk. Slow and powerful, making her throat dry. Charlie’s stomach didn’t just flutter, it did backward somersaults and handsprings as he moved closer. God, he was gorgeous. His hair was still damp, his light gray shirt not fully buttoned or tucked properly into his black pants. She slid a finger in his waistband, tugging him forward. The giddy feel of the day had receded a little, but she was still feeling bold. Powerful. A Charlie almost, but not quite, without fear.

  It was a good feeling.

  Just as he was about to bend his head, thinking she wanted a kiss, Charlie went to her knees.

  And Jake froze.

  “What are you doing?” The question sounded thick, heavy as if he were having trouble forming words.

  “Isn’t it obvious?” She tilted her head and smiled sweetly as she ran her hands up his thighs. “I promised you a thank-you days ago, remember?”

  Jake shuddered as her fingers trailed over the growing bulge in his pants. Her silver-tongued devil seemed to have lost all ability to string words together. It made her feel wanton and brave. Of course, a disclaimer was probably in order.

  “Don’t expect much,” she warned. “I’m not very experienced at this.”

  “It isn’t going to matter,” he said, his voice strangled.

  She grinned up at him as she slid his zipper down one slow inch at a time. “Why, Jake, are you shaking?”

  He was. And they both knew it.

  “I’ve wanted to see my cock in your mouth for so long. Fuck, Charlie. I won’t—I can’t—” His hand slapped the doorframe above her head as she freed him. He was thick and oh so hot against her fingers. Without hesitation, she kissed his tip, then slowly drew him in, an inch at a time.

  Tension pinged through his muscles like a plucked wire, from hand to arm, rippling down the deep V of his abs, tightening the hard thighs under her hands.

  It was heady stuff, having him at her mercy like this. Physically, Jake had always held the upper hand in their relationship, at least from her viewpoint. But now she was beginning to realize he might see it differently. The idea was incredibly empowering.

  She swirled her tongue around him once before sucking him as deep as she could. Then he pushed even deeper and her eyes started to water. Charlie moaned as he filled her throat, heat pulsing between her thighs.

  She felt Jake’s knees go weak as the vibrations washed down his length. His lips parted, a harsh breath sucked in through his teeth. His hips rocked again, though he was obviously trying to control himself. His other hand began to coil her hair into a tight rope.

  “You sure you’re ready for this?” His eyes were dark, dangerous, the storm just before lightning strikes. “All of me?”

  She nodded.

  He slid deeper, so deep her eyes went wide. Back and forth he fucked her mouth, sliding over her tongue. She pressed her thighs together, shocked at how turned on she was. How wet. Her hands tightened on his hips when she felt his tip hit the back of her throat.

  “God, I’m going to come.” His fingers loosened in her hair and he started to pull away, but she dug her nails in, holding him in place. He looked down at her, his eyes dark and hooded, his voice husky. “Last chance, darl.”

  In answer, she moaned again. With one more thrust, Jake came. Hard. Exploding over her tongue, hot and thick.

  His hips rolled under her hands as he breathed her name over and over. When he stopped shaking long enough to pull her to her feet and drag them both to the bed, Charlie was too dazed and needy to protest. And when Jake got his hand between her legs seconds later and felt how wet she was, the look on his face was almost enough to send her over.

  She couldn’t look away, even when his fingers slid inside her, even when her body hovered on the edge of the abyss along with her heart. She held on to that storm-blue gaze with everything she had and gave him it all.

  * * *

  They ended up ordering room service and sleeping in. A pattern that persisted over the next week. He relished every minute of every day.

  But it went too fast. All too soon, it was their last night. As they took one last moonlit walk on the beach, Jake felt restless, not himself.

  Charlie, though, seemed strangely at peace.

  “Thank you for bringing me here,” she said, watching the water. “I can remember Em so much more clearly now.”

  “I’m sorry it hurt you at first.”

  “I’m not.” Her fingers tightened around his. “It was good for me. Like cleaning out an old wound. I’d forgotten how happy she was here. How happy we all were.” She sighed and snuggled back against his chest. The quiet settled around them, soft and perfectly comfortable. Then Charlie broke it again. “I’d forgotten love could be like that, you know?”

  He looked down at her face in the moonlight. “What do you mean?”

  She shrugged, worrying at her lip, obviously gathering her thoughts before replying. “It’s just, I mean, I know it’s crazy, okay? But after all that I’ve been through, I set love up as this big, scary thing in my head. Almost like a monster.” She shivered. “Something to hide from. To fear. Because when you love people, you get hurt.” Her voice went soft, so soft he could barely hear her over the waves of the lake. “I wouldn’t let myself remember that maybe it’s worth it. That no matter how much losing people hurts, or how much
it tears you up inside, the joy they gave you is still there.” She lifted her head, her eyes shining through the darkness. “It’s always there.”

  He swallowed hard, tucking her head under his chin and pulled her tighter into his chest. She got it. And maybe that’s why for the first time in his life, Jake knew it was time.

  As the sun bled into the water and night came down, he told about his mum.

  All of it.

  She cried. Silent tears, holding his hand without a sound. Then she coaxed him into telling her more. Those things before that horrible day. The happy, sweet things he’d hidden away. And when he was done, she turned in his arms and kissed him. He couldn’t see her face in the darkness, but he could taste the tears on her lips.

  In that one hard kiss, Jake knew why he’d felt so restless all night, why he’d told her about his past. Life was too short. Charlie was his future.

  Fuck going slow.

  When they pulled apart, he took her shoulders in his hands, willing them not to shake. “I’m not really a big risk-taker—”

  Charlie snorted.

  His own lips twitched before he lifted a hand. “Hear me out, darl. You’re not the only one who’s avoided relationships because of what’s in their past. We may have handled things differently, but we’ve both done our level best to keep people at a distance. I’m done with that. At least when it comes to you.”

  The moon dipped out from behind a cloud, revealing Charlie, her lips parted, eyes still wet, but now wide and startled. Jake swallowed past the fear that had tightened his gut and reached up to cup her face in his hand. “Because you’re the one chance I don’t just want to take, I have to.”

  She shook her head, looking panicked. Despite his nerves, he had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. That was his girl. With a smile, he leaned closer, his thumb trailing over the petal-soft curve of her cheek.

  “I love you, Charlie.”